Glitter Chimp

by Nanny Aut

In the past I have written about Panic Monkey and Dino Brain because these are the key drivers in the Limbic System if you are autistic. Particularly a traumatised autistic. The need to feel safe and stay safe is paramount.

They aren’t the only characters within the Limbic System though, because the Limbic System is about Primal Survival – and staying safe isn’t the only thing we need to do to survive. The Limbic System is also responsible for our emotions – how we feel about things helps to drive actions that are beneficial for us and avoid things that are detrimental to us.

One key part of survival is ensuring we have enough resources to survive – and that Resource Hunter is what I call Glitter Chimp.

Glitter Chimp is impulsive and doesn’t weigh up consequences – it’s ‘see – want – take’. And if stopped by outside forces may send an SOS to Dino Brain saying we are at risk of death – triggering what is often mislabelled as a ‘tantrum’. In reality, it’s a meltdown just like the meltdown experienced when you are overloaded or under threat.

The only difference being is that the meltdown stops when either the item is provided – removing the threat OR it’s very clear that the item is never going to be available (such as through ignoring). The second one causes Glitter Chimp to tell Dino Brain to stand down because it wants to preserve the resources we have left and there is no point wasting resources for no gain.

However, the second one – the planned ignoring that parents are taught to do to stop tantrums carries long-term damage. Glitter Chimp recognises that asking for the resource doesn’t work. And Panic Monkey recognises that asking for help isn’t safe – after all Dino Brain was called in and the threat wasn’t resolved.

Which then leads to several maladaptive behaviours growing up. 

Extreme anxiety over asking for help or support – to the point they will struggle in silence until the point of non-function. This includes things like asking for a break in a classroom or speaking up when something is distressing them.

‘Sneaky Behaviour’ – Glitter Chimp realises that asking doesn’t work nor does showing distress through Dino Brain. Better just to take and hope you don’t get caught. After all, as far as Glitter Chimp is concerned, that resource is essential for survival. 

‘Manipulative Behaviour’ – Ironically, planned ignoring is recommended to parents because ‘tantrums’ are seen as manipulative. In reality, children of three and four don’t have sufficient social awareness or Theory of Mind to manipulate. They are still learning about basic cause and effect and still assume everyone responds just like they do.

However, as the young person matures and starts to learn how other people work and respond to certain stimuli – Glitter Chimp takes note. Direct requests for resources were met with failure – however, maybe we can learn to trick others into providing the resources we need instead? What buttons work with others in order to get the ‘Yes’ we need?

Glitter Chimp is the key driver – overriding Panic Monkey – in those with an ADHD profile – those of us who are more of an Autistic/ ADHD combo may notice that there is a constant battle between the two.

Glitter Chimp – We need this thing – let’s get it!

Panic Monkey – But what about the risks?

Glitter Chimp – Resources NOW – risk assess later.

And it can very much be a toss-up between who wins in each situation.

Energy

When we talk about resource hunting – Glitter Chimp is responsible for a number of things that affect our survival.

Some are obvious – like food as an energy source – the ‘tantrum’ for a cookie is a common theme in parenting circles. The battery is getting low – generally just before meals. Glitter Chimp seeks a fast acting energy source to top up to have enough energy to get to the meal and have enough energy to process eating and digestion. Cookies and sweets fit the bill. 

An interesting thing I noticed with my young person was that – if they got their cookie or sweets – it didn’t damage their appetite – they actually ate better. Obviously, if they had had a whole packet this wouldn’t have worked – but just a small amount of sugar pre-meal was enough to top their battery up to be able to properly engage with eating.

A lot of resources though may not be as obvious –

Dopamine 

Dopamine is essential for our brain to function – it’s used every time our neurons fire – and when you have a lot more connections per neuron and there is a lot more input coming in than there is for the majority – dopamine drains fast. Faster than the brain naturally produces it. Leaving us with a deficit.

And Glitter Chimp seeks to fill that gap. Finding ways to increase the production of dopamine so supply meets demand. This can be through wins and achievements, through gaining desired items or through novelty and interest fulfillment.

Gaming taps directly into this drive and can be a massive benefit if managed correctly or can be a massive drawback if not. If it is one of multiple sources of dopamine then gaming can massively help in day to day function – however- if it’s the only source then it can become addictive with Glitter Chimp being really reluctant to let go of the only source of dopamine it has. 

And gaming is a triple whammy of dopamine – constant little wins, gaining of desired items, and novelty / interest fulfillment. Dopamine Central.

Similarly this can happen with shopping for adults – the dopamine comes from getting hold of something new – and is short-lived. And if shopping is pretty much your only source of dopamine then Glitter Chimp is going to keep demanding more and more purchases. Usually creating massive financial pressure and stress. And what depletes faster under stress? Dopamine – so more purchases are needed and down the spiral goes.

Finding other ways to ‘dopamine dose’ is essential. Medication can help providing an external source of dopamine, but it’s not the only solution. We can set up our lives to have a regular input of dopamine through multiple sources.

1. ‘Little Wins’ – Breaking down tasks into smaller activities doesn’t just make them more manageable – it provides more opportunities for success. Each item is a tick – an opportunity to celebrate. Odd as it sounds, I have found a physical celebration like a victory dance or a fist pump helps boost dopamine.

For instance, instead of ‘Empty Dishwasher’ – I might break it down into – 

     Put away plates – celebrate

     Put away bowls – celebrate

     Put away cutlery – celebrate etc.

And it also reduces Glitter Chimps resistance to doing the task. Doing things takes energy – depletes resources – and if the odds aren’t good on a successful completion in a short time frame – then Glitter Chimp will slam on the brakes – Outgoings are exceeding Income.

2. ‘Glimmers’ – Life is full of glimmers and dimmers. Things that make things feel a bit better and things that make us feel a bit worse. For me one of my glimmers is Disney songs and singing along to them. Putting on the songs and singing while I do a less preferred task that provides little dopamine for me – even on completion – provides the dopamine I need to engage. Another is my first cup of tea – just drinking that and focusing on all the positive sensations of that tea starts my day with a dopamine boost.

3. Deep interests – Being able to enter an attention tunnel of our deep interest feeds us a lot of dopamine – AND reduces resource demand through switching off external input. And sharing that deep interest with others not only feeds us dopamine through interest fulfillment – it also creates another source of dopamine – connection.

4. Connection – No man is an island – we are a species that functions best through interconnection. That connection can look very different for different people – parallel play, large social gatherings (not one of mine), sharing of interests etc. And because connection is so important – our brain provides dopamine when it happens. 

And with connection comes approval – friendship – the security of knowing the other person likes you.

And if we doubt our ability to connect, common amongst autistics because we are told over and over that we’re unacceptable, it can lead to some maladaptive behaviours to compensate. Showing Off, Emotional Manipulation, High Masking, Playing the Victim, even prioritising outward displays of success over other people’s feelings.

For instance, in gameplay, stealing prized objects from other people in order to boost our own status believing status equals connection. Glitter Chimp is only focused on the gain and won’t see the loss caused to others.

Adrenaline

Adrenaline isn’t just from risk-taking behaviour like jumping out of planes – there are multiple sources. And it is essential for function. We need adrenaline to function – it’s the chemical driver for getting things done. And we may not always be good at producing enough of it naturally.

For instance, many autistics and those with ADHD have lived continually under threat from when they were very small. Not only in an environment that is overwhelming both with sensory and processing, but constantly getting messages that we aren’t acceptable, that we don’t belong.

Being under threat creates adrenaline – too much meaning high levels of anxiety and always feeling on edge. 

And when we finally start meeting our needs, that adrenaline production slows way down – to the point we may no longer be producing the adrenaline we need to function. Resulting in depression and an inability to engage with the world.

Glitter Chimp seeks to fix this by adrenaline hunting both in big ways and small.

1. Deliberate risk-taking – intentionally putting yourself under threat physically – such as skydiving or parkour or emotionally – such as by deliberately starting fights.

2. Deadline pushing – completing things at the last minute boosts our adrenaline by artificially creating threat. And MASSIVE dopamine boost every time we beat that deadline by seconds.

3. Intensity seeking – I call this ‘riding the sensory rollercoaster’. For instance I find mint intense – and extra strong mints unbearably intense – but seek it out in order to adrenaline boost.Others I know use very spicy food in the same way. I could never figure out why I love swings so much – it makes me feel very unsafe – but it was the adrenaline rush I was enjoying.

These are the big three, although there are other minor resources like serotonin that may also come into play. 

Knowing Glitter Chimp is around and what interests it, is really important – it is very often the answer to 

‘Why would you do that?’

Generally the answer is ‘Because Glitter Chimp saw a resource and went for it, and didn’t wait for Panic Monkey to risk assess’.

And it is really important to remember that Glitter Chimp gets stronger and more impatient the more scarce the resource is. Finding healthy ways to make resources plentiful reduces Glitter Chimp’s drive significantly.